Thank Bloo

[Vampyre]

I can see this being a pretty good story with a lot of potential, but there are a few things you need to work on. For example:

It would be best if perhaps you worked on your grammar a little, because it seems to switch from tence to a another, from past to future and it can get a little confusing.

You could also work on your sentence structure and using commars to make your sentences sound more... Interesting. If you shove in more explanatory words and phrases, then it gives the impression that the writer is pretty smart, which I'm sure you are ^__^. For example, I remember reading on passage where you wrote "Said Bloo, being sarcastic." Now to make this sound better you could write "replied Bloo, in a sarcastic manner." or simply "said Bloo, sarcastically." Just work a little on your wording and you'll soon get the hang of it.

Also, try putting in a bit of despcription too. Alot of this story is just dialog, and but speech isn't the only thing to a story. For example, you could have started this story off with something like this:

Bloo, a small, blue blob of an imaginary friend, shuffled hurriedly down the corridor, a wide grin on his face as he giggled and peered over his shoulder at the wide open door of the room, commonly known as 'Never Leave Steve's room'.
Suddenly, Bloo came to a halt as the sound of large paws slamming against the old floor boards of the Foster home echoed through his none existent ears as a fairly fat and rather old six foot tall rabbit bounded quickly after him, his face twisted into a horrid expression of anger and aggravation "Master Blooregard!"

Description sets the scene, and gives the reader a good idea of whats going on. So try putting in a bit more of that and your story will be gerat in no time. Another word of advice however: Try NOT to put TOO many long words in, for it gives the idea that the writer is trying too hard. I know of a writer on a website called Fanfiction.net. They're pretty good, and their stories have potential too, but it drives me insane when she writes something like "The paddle ball method that Bloo had devised was going accordingly well." when they could just put "Bloo's paddle ball method was actually going pretty well."

Keep up the good work and keep writing and you'll be on your feet in no time! Practise makes perfect after all! I'll be checking back for updates on this story, you can count on that ^__^