Cocoshack

[Ub3rD4n]

Whoo! The longly awaited sequel to the most popular fanfic of the year! Well, not really. But still, I got my first fanfic finished and was rearing to get this one underway. (If you're looking to see what this one's gonna be like, I suggest you read my other fanfic "Not Larry Nice". Plug, plug.) So, without further ado, here we go:

Chapter one! Mr Herriman's Afternoon Off

Mr Herriman hopped through the halls of the house at a rather brisk pace. Ka-thump!Ka-thump!Ka-thump! He was in quite the hurry. He approached the main foyer, where Bloo was standing and Frankie was polishing the stairway bannisters. "Miss Frances, as I approached this foyer I found a dusty ornament on the second floor and on the thrid floor, a painting hanging three thirty-fifths of a degree out of alignment. I expect these to be fixed when I return, in addition to the waxing of the bannister." Mr Herriman stated. "Absolutely Mr Herriman." Frankie returned, smiling. The bannister didn't even need to be waxed, but Mr Herriman couldn't stand to see someone "laying idle". "And Master Blooreguard. What is your business here? Not planning any shennanigans, are we? Hmmm?"
"Of course not, Mr Herriman. I'm just going to....uhhhh...stand here and stare at the wall. It's great fun. Wanna try?"
"Master Blooreguard, as you well know, I only get one afternoon off from work a week, and I do not intend to spend it staring at the wallpaper, however tasteful it may be. I shall, as per usual, be enjoying a round of golf at Silaceous Meadows. Ah, golf, the sport of kings." Mr Herriman then got out his pocketwatch and checked it. "Well, I must be off to the bus. Madame Foster shall be arriving to escort me there any minute. Good day to you all." And with that, Mr Herriman exited the building.

"Woohooo!" Both Frankie and Bloo let out cries of joy and leaped into the air. "Okay, you know the deal, Bloo. You can break any rule that doesn't result in more housework for me, and you don't tell Herriman about me taking the afternoon off." Frankie said to Bloo. "As always, a pleasure doing buisness with you, Frankie." Bloo replied, walking to the next room, where Coco, Wilt and Eduardo were waiting.

"Alright guys! We only got 'till dark 'till ol' floppy ears comes back, so let's get cracking!" Bloo announced. "Cococococococo." Coco mentioned. "What's very mature of me?" asked Bloo. "Cococo...cocococococo." Coco replied. "I don't care what secret stuff Mr Herriman does at his secret club, for secret people, with secret....golf....."

"Okay, guys, change of plans."

Madame Foster was walking along the foyer, ready to go out the front doors, when she was ambushed by Bloo. "Madame Foster, can we go golfing with Mr Herriman?" Bloo whinged. "Oh, I'm sorry dears, but this is Mr Herriman's private time. I wouldn't want to get in the way of that." replied Madame Foster. Bloo and the others looked really dissapointed. "Buuuuuut... if someone were to sneak onto the bus while I wasn't looking, I don't think I could stop that." continued Madame Foster, rolling her eyes upwards innocently. "Thanks madame Foster!" cried Bloo, as he and the others ran off towards the front door. "And don't go thinkin' about going in through the back, that being the best way to sneak in!" Madame Foster called out after them.

Creak! The Fosters bus moved slightly. Mr Herriman looked up. "Hmmm, did I just...." he looked to the seats behind him, where there was a red eye on a stalk, some green leaves, and what was quite obviously Eduardo poking out from behind them. He squinted into his monocle. "Hm. Must have been mistaken." He muttered.

At that point Madame Foster climbed aboard the bus. "Once again, I thank you for taking the time to escort me to my golf game, Madame. I cannot drive myself, due to my poor eyesight." Mr Herriman commented. "Ooh, anything for my Funny Bunny. Now strap yourselves in, boys. It's gonna be a bumpy ride! Yahooo!" Madame Foster screamed, as she shifted the bus into gear and rocketed out of the gates.

[koosie]

Hmmm very nicely visualised there. It's hard to capture the visual humour of a cartoon show in this written format, just like it would be hard to translate the verbal bantering and response elements of Foster's success in ballet form.
You've done very well with it.

I can just see Madame Foster doing something unfair like that to poor old Mr Harriman. It's good they let him join the Golf Club really.

[Ub3rD4n]

Well, I do believe that that is the greatest compliment I've recieved about my fanfic work. Ever. Simply saying that I "did well" with Fosters' style is, as we all know, a TREMENDOUS compliment. So, all I can say is thanks, and I hope I continue to entertain you in the way I have been doing.

I always picture my fanfics as an episode of Fosters I'm watching which I'm trying to transcribe to the page. And I hope that I'm doing a good enough job to let you all see the vision I have in my head. (ugh, sometimes I can sound a little pompous. )

Chapter 2: Happy Coco

KA-THUMP!KA-THUMP! Squeak!

"Shhhhhhh!" everyone warned Wilt. They were walking right behind Mr Herriman, so if he turned around, they were caught. "Sorry" whispered Wilt. Eduardo picked Wilt up to avoid further squeaking and carried him along as the group tiptoed after Mr Herriman. All of a sudden, Coco randomly let out a "Cocococococococo!" and began running around. The others didn't have time to scold her, as Mr Herriman turned around and saw them.

"Master Wilt! Master Eduardo! Master Blooreguard! Miss Coco! What on Earth are you all doing here at the driving range! This is in gross violation of both house and golf club rules! Why I-" but at that moment, a wealthy looking man drove past on a golf cart and stopped to talk to Mr Herriman.

"I say, Herriman old boy, good to see you out again. Escaped from the rat-race, eh, what?" the man said amicably to Mr Herriman. "I-uh, yes, quite. Thank you Groomington." Mr Herriman replied. "And who are your guests? More Imaginaries here to enjoy a game of golf, eh?" Groomington persued. "Why, yes. Yes, that's what they're doing. They're here to play golf, and in no way violating club rules whatsoever." Mr Herriman said panickedly. "Well, got to dash, got an important meeting with the investors, you know the sort. Must be off. Ta!" Groomington announced, and sped away on his golf cart.

"You know that guy?" asked Bloo, rudely. "I know a great deal of gentlemen in the golf club." Mr Herriman replied sharply. "So, does this mean we get to play?" inquired Wilt. "Indeed. It is against club charter for non-members to roam the grounds unless they are guests of a member and are here to play golf. And I shall not have friends under my care running roughshod over the rules! Therefore, I shall attempt to educate you all on the civilised pursuit of golf." Mr Herriman stated. The friends let out a cheer.

"Yes, yes, alright. Quell your enthusiasm. I shall instruct you one at a time. Master Eduardo, you first." Mr Herriman instructed. "Yay! I gets to play with the silly little ball! I always wanted to play golf."
"Now, Master Eduardo, please take the driver, and the lesson will begin." Mr Herriman handed a club to Eduardo. "What this have to do with golf?" Eduardo asked. "Why, you use it to hit the ball! Surely you know that much!"
"You mean this is no the game with the tiny metal men?"
"Eduardo, I may be wrong, but I think that's foosball." Wilt informed Eduardo. Eduardo looked dissappointed. "Now, lower the head of the club level with the ball." Mr Herriman told Ed. Ed did so, cautiously. He then smiled. "Hey, this not so hard."
"Knees bent! Arms straight! Head up! Maintain follow through and it's all in the hips!" Mr Herriman barked at Eduardo. "What's in my hips? Get it out!" Eduardo cried, and swung the club, digging a huge divet out of the feild but not touching the ball. "Calm down buddy, it's okay. Nothing's in your hips." Wilt soothed Eduardo, who calmed down but remained panting.

"Very well, I think that's enough exitement for you for today. Master Wilt, it is your turn." Mr Herriman informed Wilt. "Okay" Wilt replied, and grabbed the club off the ground and tried to take up a golf posture. It was no good. He had to bend his knees altogether too much to get the club to reach the ground. Not to mention the inadequacy of his left arm, which made him hold the club off to the right. He swung the club, but only managed to hit his own legs. He let the club drop to the ground, grasped his leg, and began hopping around, howling in pain. "Is you okay Wilt?" Eduardo asked. "Cococo?" asked Coco. "I'm fine guys", said Wilt, gritting his teeth. "Lemme give it another go. I just need practice."
"I am sorry, Master Wilt, but due to your....handicap, I'm afraid that you are incapable of playing golf." Mr Herriman said sorrowfully. "Cocococo?" asked Coco. "Heavens! If Master Wilt cannot play with one hand, then you have no chance at all!"

"Co!" Coco snatched the driver out of Mr Herriman's hand in her beak and went to the ball. "Coco cocococo!" Coco shouted, as she spun around in a circle, and then hit the ball. Whoosh! the ball screamed over the feilds, and landed somewhere in the far distance. "My word! Such talent! And in one so uneducated! Just think of what she could achieve if she was to be properly trained! She may even be able to win the Silaceous open! The prize for that is five thousand dollars! That would be enough to send Madame Foster on that cruise she's been talking about. Goodness knows she deserves it!" Mr Herriman muttered to himself. "Five thousand dollars, eh?" muttered Bloo to himself.

"Miss Coco? Could you do that again?" asked Mr Herriman, placing another ball down. "Coco cococococo!" Coco spun around once more, and once more, hit the ball as far as the eye could see. "All the way to the lodge!" Mr Herriman remarked. There was a shattering in the distance. "Well, noone saw that."

[antgirl1]

OMG, that's a cool story so far. Too bad Wilt can't play golf.

[Ub3rD4n]

Hm, not so many comments on this story so far. That means that either people have no critisisms to make, or simply aren't reading at all. I'm gonna assume for my sake that it it's the former. So, anyhows, more fanfic:

Chapter 3: Return of the Slup

It was another Sunday, in the Fosters foyer. The Fosters five and Mr Herriman were awaiting Madame Foster to take them back to the golf course to train Coco. The front doors swung wide open, and Mac came wandering in. "Hey guys, hey Mr Herriman. Why're you all standing out here?" he asked. "Mr Herriman's gonna take us all golfing!" Bloo explained. "Why how nice of you!" Madame Foster noted, as she came around the corner on the stairs, slowly making her way down. "Mm, yes. I'm teching the lads some culture. They do need it." Mr Herriman said, by way of explaination. "Can I come too?" Mac asked. "Er, why certainly. The more the merrier." Mr Herriman replied, though he obvoiusly didn't feel that way. "Can I come?" asked Slugger, who had just entered the room. (Remember? Grey, slug shaped guy, kinda irritating? Aw, just read Not Larry Nice.) "Very well." answered Mr Herriman dejectedly. "Cool! Where're we going?"

Cut to the Friends all coming out of the golf club lodge. "Now, Miss Coco, if you are to be a proper golfer, you shall require a caddy to haul around your equipment." Mr Herriman instructed Coco. "Ideally he should be athletic, enthusiastic, low intelligence but not too stupid, accustomed to taking orders....Wilt my boy! How would you like to be Coco's caddy?"
"Okay, anything for a freind. I'll just go get your clubs. You guys go ahead." he replied. "You mean I no get to be the caddy?" Eduardo asked sadly. "I'm afraid not." Mr Herriman replied. Eduardo then got tears in his eyes, and it wasn't long till he was full-on bawling. "Er, hold on there, er, you get to be, uh, the auxillary caddy!" Mr Herriman announced. "What that mean?" Eduardo asked, calming down a little. "It means that if, for whatever reason, Wilt is unable to perform his duties, you are his replacement."
"Yay!" Eduardo exclaimed, jumping up and down. "I is auxillary caddy! You hear that, Wilt?"
"Good for you, Ed!" Wilt exclaimed, coming out of the lodge with Mr Herriman's golf clubs. He, Mr Herriman, Coco and Eduardo then proceded to walk off to the tees. Slugger came out of the lodge, obviously in awe. "Dude! They got a foosball table in there! Hey, wait up!" he cried, and hurried after them. Then Bloo and Mac came out of the lodge, Bloo dragging a set of golf clubs. "Hey, Mac, I couldn't tell you before, but the guys are training Coco for a golf tournament with five grand as the prize! And I aims to win it!"
"Bloo, you can't golf at all. This is just gonna be a collosal waste of time."
"Why you always gotta be such a bring-down?"
"I wasn't complaining. This'll be fun!" Mac exclaimed. As they walked off to the driving range, something occured to him. "Uhh, where'd you get those clubs from?"
"I just borrowed some of the club's clubs."
"I don't think they lend out golf clubs."
"Then walk faster!"

On the tees, Mr Herriman and Coco were arguing. "Why, you'd be doing it for love of Madame Foster!"
"Cococo cococo!"
"Fine then, what do you want?"
"Coco!"
"It's a deal then, you shall have all the bananas you desire."
"Coco!"
"Yes, yes and vegemite. Now can we get to the the training?"
Coco grabbed a golf club off of Wilt, and then spun around once more and sent the ball zooming. "Hm, yes. Well. Very good, but in completely the wrong direction. We shall have to work on that." Mr Herriman critiqued. "This is boring. I'm gonna go crash a golf cart." Slugger commented.

Meanwhile, on the driving range, Bloo was not progressing very well. His skill in golf was comparable only to his skill in paddleball. Mac watched as Bloo became more and more irritated. Swing! Swing! "Stupid ball! Why! Can't! I! Hit! You!? Aaaaarrrgh!" Bloo then resorted to hitting the ground with his club repeatedly, at one point bending the club double. When it bent back to shape, it sent Bloo flying into a tree.

When Bloo could once again open his eyes without blinding head pain, he heard a voice. "It would seem that you are in need of a mentor. You're in luck. Mentoring is what I do." Bloo looked up to see a face. A bowling pin shaped face.

[antgirl1]

Oh no, not Bowling Paul! XD

[jekylljuice]

Haha, I like Bowling Paul.

Anyhow, this is great, Ub (so long as you don't mind me calling you that), keep it up!

[Ub3rD4n]

You can call me Ub if you wish, though I prefer Dan. Still, it's not the worst nickname I've ever gotten by a long shot. Nice to know that people are reading and enjoying my fanfic. I'm really a fragile creature which lives off fanfic reviews. Back to the fanfic!

Chapter 4: The Way of the Paul

"I am Bowling Paul, and I can instruct you in the ways of bowling-er, I mean golfing."
"Don't listen to him Bloo! This guy's nothing but a big phoney! He tried to teach me about bowling a while back!"
"But you totally sucked at bowling a while back!"
"Exactly!"
"If I sucked at golf, why would I be on a golf course?" Bowling Paul interjected. "You were in a bowling alley, and you suck at bowling." Mac rebuffed.
"Touche."
"Mac, I need this guy! Don't you watch any sports movies? Just when it seems they're not gonna win the big game, a mysterious coach shows up outta nowhere, and trains them on to victory! What should I do, oh wise one?"
"First, you must empty your head of all thought."
"And then?"
"And then I hit golf balls at you."
"Can I help?" asked Mac.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Bloo screamed, as Mac and Paul hit golf balls at him repeatedly. "How's this supposed to help me golf?"
"You must know how to feel like the ball. For that, you must intimately EXPERIENCE the ball."
"Maybe Bloo's ready to move onto the more INTENSE training." Mac suggested. "Very well. Bloo, I want you to be one with the grounds. You need to be able to sense the subtle movements. To know what the grounds are thinking."
"Like this?" Bloo asked, lying flat on the ground, face down. "Yes. Very good."
At that moment, Slugger ran straight over top of Bloo, followed by a couple of security-types. "You'll never catch me!" Slugger screamed. "Hmmmm....maybe we should move on." Bowling Paul announced.

"For the ball to reach the hole, you must VISUALISE the hole."
"Okay, I'm visualising."
"Actually, what I meant was...."
Cut to Bloo's head stuck down a golf hole. "I hope he doesn't have any more lame teaching techniques like this."

Cut to Bloo humming holding a golf club over his head

Cut to Bloo cleaning a golf cart with his tounge

Cut to Bloo drinking from the water hazard and then making a disgusted face

Cut to Bloo digging up a sand trap with a tablespoon

Cut to Bloo polishing Paul's head

Cut to Bloo running from a grizzly bear

Cut to Bloo balancing on one foot while blind folded. "How long do I gotta keep doing this?"
"Until you attain inner peace."
"A minute? Less than a minute? Gimme a ball park here!"
"You shall feel it when you find it."
Then Mac came along, drinking a soda. "Are you still at this?"
"Shh! I'm attaining inner peace!" replied Bloo, who was now hopping around in an attempt to keep his balance. "Bloo, the only thing you're gonna accomplish is falling over." Mac admonished. "No....I....won't!" Bloo yelled, hopping around in circles. Soon, he hopped straight into Mac, knocking them both over. "I felt it! Woohoo!" Bloo cried. "Take that stupid thing off, Bloo! Look, you've been training for hours and you're not any better at golf than when you started!" Mac screamed. Bloo took the blindfold off and looked as if something was dawning on him. "You mean I've been working for hours for nothing!?"
"Yup."
"That's it! I'm done with you," Bloo pointed at Paul "and your stupid coaching! With me it's instant returns or nothing!" Bloo and Mac then stromed away. "C'mon Mac! Let's go watch some more sports movies!"

"Ah, what a shame." said Bowling Paul calmly. He then pulled a golf club out and hit a ball into the distance. "Hole in one. Again. Oh, yeah."

"Once more, Miss Coco."
"Cococococo co!"
"Nowhere near! Blast! Wilt, go fetch the ball!"
"I'm sorry but, Mr Herriman, it landed in the water hazard."
"And? Do you think we can afford to replace every ball which lands somewhere you do not wish to go? Now, fetch it!"
"Okay."
"Is not going very well, is it Senor Herriman?" Eduardo remarked.
"Why, how observant of you! However did you tell? Could it be that every time Miss Coco hits the ball, it appears to be in some random direction?"
"Cocococo!"
"Yeah, you tell 'im!" Slugger cheered.
"I thought you gone to crash a golf cart." Eduardo mentioned.
"Yeah, well, turns out they're more difficult to hijack than I thought."
"Please, Miss Coco, if you could only focus-"
"I'm back with the ball!" exclaimed a dripping Wilt. Mr Herriman inspected the ball. "Not one of ours. Take it back."
"Okay."
"Master Wilt, what is that in your mouth?"
"It's gum. Don't worry. I brought enough for everyone." Wilt replied, taking out a stick of gum. Coco grabbed it and started chewing. "Miss Coco, a proper lady does not chew gum. Spit that out immediatedly." Mr Herriman admonished. Coco just gave him a raspberry. Mr herriman, frustrated, attempted to dislodge the gum by giving Coco a whack on the back. This only caused her to swallow it. Gulp! "Co...co..." Coco said, in monotone, as her hair and beak began to droop. "Oh no!" Wilt cried. "What? What happened?" Mr Herriman asked, panickedly. "Whenever Coco swallows gum she gets like this. She doesn't move or talk, or do anything unless someone tells her to. She pretty mcuh stays where she's put."
"Stays where she's put, you say?...." Mr Herriman mused. He then rotated Coco in the right direction, and said "Coco, please hit the ball." Thwock! Coco hit the ball, right into the hole! "Yes!" Mr Herriman cheered. "Now we shall win the Silaceous Open for sure!"
"All right, Mr Herriman!" Wilt cried.
"Will you go get that ball?!"

"So......wanna go play some foosball?" asked Slugger.
"Si."

[jekylljuice]

Yeah, hurrah for Bowling Paul!

Anyhow, I got some nice chuckles out of that. Great job, Ub. Or Dan. I'm perfectly flexible with my name-calling.

[antgirl1]

LOLOLOL. This was a cool chapter.