Crackers!

[koosie]

To celebrate new sightings of my little pink pal Crackers, I've decided to republish part 1 of my fanfic which had previously been on a now deleted forum, where it was recieved badly. This was my second story and was probably written in July last year. Crackers is featured as a male IF as this was before it was pointed out to me that he probably is a she. I really don't know either way. Who cares? Crackers is great, that's all there is to it. Sorry if it jars a bit.

The Koosalagoopagoop of this story is this creature after whom I have named myself (in more places than this forum), so this isn't a mary-sue or an OC sort of thing, this Koos aint me. It's the real thing:

http://s127.photobucket.com/albums/p...rrent=Koos.gif

For those of you not familiar with him, Koosalagoopagoop was the imaginary creation of Dexter's exuberent Goo-esque older sister Dee-Dee in CN classic Dexter's Laboratory. His special powers are the ability to change size at will and being annoying. He was apparently created by Dave Smith who also wrote the super-villain Harold Smith PPG episode and is voiced by Dom Deluise who has one of the best voices on the planet. If anyone knows any more about how this prototype IF came to be, I'd like to know.

Koosie and Crackers in another dimension
It was a hot day. Koosalagoopagoop and Crackers were sitting under a parasol in the garden drinking lemonade through curly-wurley straws. The Koos had been imagined out of existence by his creator?s brother but had given himself a nose-job and so was quietly confident he?d turn things around again. Crackers wasn?t in such a good way:
? It?s not fair, Koos? he whined. ? Everyone thinks I?m cute and everything but nobody likes me enough to adopt me.?
? Well, I love you Crackers!? said Koos and leaned forward and kissed him between the ears.
? Yeh great? replied Crackers. ? Who wouldn?t want to be loved by imaginary lizard who resembles a care bear??
Koos narrowed his eyes; ? Was that sarcasm??
?Yeh, I got Frankie to teach it me. Thought it might make me more er?edgy.?
?Well it was very good.?
?Thanks!?
The Crickets buzzed in the grass trying to drown out the pylon. A gold dragonfly briefly hovered above the little pink imaginary being and was noticed by the his larger, reptilian also imaginary companion who squinted at it through his glasses then lost it as it abruptly zoomed off sideways out of sight.
? Well don?t change too much, Crackers, I like you this way.?
?Well I dont? said Crackers. ?I just seem to burst into tears all the time and I look like a big lame-o.?
Koos shifted awkwardly. ?Nothing wrong with having a bit of cry, everyone does it because there?s so much to be sad about. The thing to do is not dwell on it too much, you know, distract yourself with the nice colourful stuff while it?s available.?
Crackers attempted a smile. It clearly wasn?t very good advice. The stupid-looking dragon was going to have to back this up or magic up some prozac.
?I know!? he exclaimed, suddenly leaping up and doing a small loop-the-loop in the air. ? We?ll take a little holiday in the Land of Koos, nobody?s unhappy there! We can go right now!?
Crackers was skeptical. ?Can you really do that, Koos? I thought you?d been abolished.?
Koos winked at him. ?I can do anything? he boasted. He grabbed the end of his stripey bulbous nose and took a deep breath. There was an audible ?ping!? and the air around them turned a rainbow swirl. Then with a ?whoosh? lasting less than half a second the 2 imaginary friends found themselves exactly where they were before.
?Wow.? Said Crackers. ?What an incredible journey that was.?
Koos sniffed the air. ?Good sarcasm, Crackers, but something?s wrong. I?ve opened a door but not the one I was expecting. We are here but this here isn?t here if you see what I mean.?
Crackers blinked.
The first person they saw was Blooregard Q Kazoo who emerged at the back door and stared at them in silence for second before shouting angrily:
?What are you two doing out here lounging around out here? You?re meant to be working!?
Neither Koos nor Crackers paid him much heed thinking it was just Bloo being Bloo and getting over-involved in something or other as usual.
?Hey Bloo? said Crackers. ?Why don?t you come and have some lemonade with us??
Bloo looked furiously at him: ?It isn?t allowed.? He hissed.
Crackers was crestfallen. ?I didn?t know that! It was hot and I was thirsty, what are we allowed to do??
?You?re allowed to work hard? replied Bloo flatly. ?And that?s not what you?re doing. I?m going to tell Frankie so you get the punishment you deserve!? He stormed back into the house.
?P-Punishment?? whimpered Crackers. ?That wasn?t Bloo, what?s going on??
?I think we?re in a parallel universe, that?s why it all smells wrong.? Said Koos brushing off angry insects trying to sting his hat.
?I don?t like it Koos. Can we go home now??
?I?m afraid not. As I said I just opened a door, but not all doors open both ways. I don?t have the power to force us back through that way.?
Crackers tried to hold back tears. ?But there is another way, right??
There was an uncomfortable pause interrupted by the shrill voice of Bloo:
?There they are, Frankie! Punish them!?
Somebody marched into the garden that certainly was not Frankie, or at least not anything like the Frankie they knew.
. Frankie was a skinhead youth in a black uniform wielding an electric cattle prod. His face looked like it had been carved out of a giant rock and it had about the same level of expression. He prodded the dragon with his stick who yelped and leaped about ten feet into the air before collapsing in a heap.
?That hurt? he said quietly.
Crackers was glued to the spot too scared to breathe.
? You do not have permission to be in this area. You will return to work immediately and report to Harriman at the end of the working day for punishment.?
?Er?We?re new? said Koos. ?What work is that??
Frankie prodded him again producing the same response.
?Liar! I?ve definitely seen this one before? he said pointing his stick at the shaking Crackers. ?And you fat dragon look too useless to work anyway, you?re both shirkers and will be taken to the erasing room.?
?Things are looking up then.? Said Koos and was prodded again.
Crackers finally started crying by the time they were marched inside the house?s long gunmetal corridors, the sound of his pitiful sobs drowned out by clanking noises above and below. There was obviously work of a kind going on here that Crackers had never imagined could exist. He had the impression of great machines churning out smaller, equally evil machines with soft creatures like imaginary friends little more than lubricant for the giant cogs and gears. There were giant posters of Madame Foster virtually unrecognisable, not dressed as a sweet old lady but wearing some kind of military uniform, her scowling face beneath a scarlet Beret. Harriman, still a rabbit, appeared as her ruthless enforcer shown in smaller posters below wielding a truncheon, again dressed as a soldier instead of a gentleman and wearing a helmet instead of a top-hat. Koosie did not appear to be taking any of it in. Dazed from electric shocks he staggered down the corridor gibbering nonsense:
?Stockholm ice-cube table-tennis? he declared, ?Banana thespian egg syndrome!?
?Shut up!? shouted Frankie and shocked him again.
?Please stop!? Wailed Crackers, ?I think you?re making him worse.?
?Want some do you?? snarled Frankie and prodded Crackers who felt a little tingle go down his backbone. Frankie stared at the end of his cattle prod.
?It?s all out of juice. I never seen that before. Your fat friend must really soak it up.? They were passed in the corridor by Wilt and Bendy, carrying between them a giant jackhammer. Frankie was busy charging his cattle prod in an outlet so Crackers seized his chance to whisper to Wilt; ?Help us! We?re being taken to be erased!?
?So?? said Wilt, ?Surely that?s your problem.?
?Hang on? said Bendy, ?You?re not Crackers. You?ve not said any swear-words.?
?That?s right? said Crackers, ?I never swear! We?re from another dimension, we got caught in the garden.?
?Oh I hate seeing other people get into trouble, I?ll see if I can get you out of this.? Wilt tutted
. ?Hey!? shouted Bendy to Frankie, ?these two were sent to the garden by Mr. Harriman to water his carrots.?
Some things are the same then, thought Crackers.
?Why wasn?t I told about this!? shouted Frankie and prodded Bendy, blackening his spikes. ?Just get them out of my sight? he spat and marched off not before giving Koos another burst of electricity.
?What?s going on here? Crackers asked Bendy. ?Fosters is such a nice place to be in our dimension.?
?Lucky old you? said Wilt.
?None of us chose to come here? Bendy explained, ?Harriman and Frankie round up stray imaginary friends and work them to death here to make money for Foster.?
?Surely that?s totally against the law??
? Laws? What laws? Harriman makes them up as he goes along out of spite.?
Crackers head was spinning. ?This makes no sense. How comes the garden?s so nice, then??
?Madame Foster may be an evil fascist but she?s still an old lady. It's not like she lets us see it.?
? That's totally out of order! She's like the opposite of Madame Foster. So I suppose Eduardo?s brave, Duchess is real pretty and Coco?s totally normal then??
Bendy looked confused ?Er... I suppose so.?
?Look, what is this an information booth or something?? interrupted Wilt. ?We?ve got work to do.?
?Meet us in the basement after work at sundown? said Bendy. ?It?s where we all sleep, get there now and wait. We?ll try and get you out of this?
?Thanks, Bendy? whispered Crackers. ?You?re the best.?
?You?re really not like Crackers.?said Bendy. As he and Wilt walked off with their Jackhammer, Crackers could hear them arguing:
?Hey! Do you have to hold it so high? My arms are getting tired.?
?So what? Like I care. That?s your problem.?
Crackers turned his attention to his barely conscious companion. ?Hey Koos, we gotta go downstairs.?
The dizzy dragon groaned. ?Cheeeses Dee-dee. My head hurts.?
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________________
That's the end of part one. The story concludes in part 2 but I wont post it as some of its content could be seen as political in nature and I was never that happy with it. If anyone wants to finish it themselves go knock yourself out but I kinda doubt it.

[Partymember]

All hail the Great Koos!



V for Vendetta Foster's style!

[koosie]

I'm glad someone liked it! I always said you were a man of class and distinction, PM.

Speaking of V for Vendetta, have you seen the movie? I won't because it's NOT A MOVIE! but I am at least curious whether they kept things like Dascombe being gay to start with, then suddenly he's a slimey womaniser because it must have occurred to the writer (beardy-wizard genius Alan Moore) than gay people probably wouldn't fare any better than non-whites in that kind of regime. Also do they keep the musical number 'The vicious caberet'? I thought that was one of the best bits.

Anyway thanks for chucking me a bone!

[Partymember]

WTH are you talking about? I never read Moore's novel but the flick was good, dude.

Good read my man, good read.

[jekylljuice]

Originally Posted by koosie

I'm glad someone liked it! I always said you were a man of class and distinction, PM.

I loved it too! Can I also lay claim to being a "man of class and distinction"? Well, maybe not the "man" bit.

Orwellian Foster's = Gold

And oh, yeah, and I saw V for Vendetta last year...I've yet to absorb the source material to compare it too, though.

[KazooBloo]

Is cute.