While Christmas decorations are nice (Well, some of them are), the process of actually DECORATING isn't. The decorations themselves are stored the rest of the year in massive, heavy plastic tubs and balanced on the rafters above the garage. To get them down, someone has to squeeeeze up top and send them down for somebody else to not-drop-but-ease-them-into-carrying-height and not die. We also tend to recruit random high school/college help each time, since the more capable hands we have, the better. For that reason, we seem to have coined the following phrase:
"We need a sacrifice for the Christmas Deathtrap!"
Every year, we lose track of where we put our outdoor lights. Thus, we keep replacing them. I don't know what happens to each year's tub, but this year I FINALLY succeeded in finding some old lights:
Two strings worth. 200 lights total. Somehow, I had to make this cover the whole house (I am NOT buying more lights). Unforutnately, these aren't the icicle-styled lights we usually use, and the hanging nails are on the BACK of the eaves. Thus, I had to let the strings droop between each nail to make it visible. It covers about half of the visible house froom the street. Hence, the following statement:
"Merry Half-Assed Christmas."
The Creche set has been in our family since time out of mind. This year, I noticed that one of the Wise Men was posed differently: He was facing away from everyone else, and the Angel was slung over his shoulder fireman-style.
Me: "Why is one of the Wise Men running off with the angel?"
Not-Me: "He's black."
Me: "That's racist."
Not-Me: "The white Wise Man is trying to grope Mary."
Me: "That's Sacreligious."
Me: "What's a G.I. Joe doing there?"
Not-Me: "He's giving the Gift of Machine Guns!"
Also, from Christmas shopping, someone whose name will be removed to protect innocence was buying Gas-X as a stocking stuffer. My response?
Me: "Merry Christmas, honey. Here's some Gas-X!"
Not-Me: "Hey! I'm trying to be practical this year."
Me: "Merry Christmas, honey! I decided to be practical this year. Here's some Gas-X!"
Not-Me: "..."
Me: "...And have some Milk of Magnesia, too! Keeps the mail moving!"
ADDENDUM FROM LATER:
Me: (Still joking about Gas-X for Christmas)
Not-Me: "Stop being so loud! That's the only thing he's getting that isn't a surprise!
...Maybe the insanity is all my fault. I DID supply this as a Decoration:
Frosty the Snowman! He's gonna crush your skull!
(So, does anybody else have anything to say about THEIR Christmas this year?)